i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
