I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
