i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
