how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
