So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
