I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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