PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
