If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
