Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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