***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
