I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
