So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So much rum. So many feels.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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