I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
