Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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