gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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