Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
