He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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