so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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