i don't like sucking hair
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
