Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
