Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
