@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
