and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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