So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
