Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
