After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
