I was born with a shot glass in my hand
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
