i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
