1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
