I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
