Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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