She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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