I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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