For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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