your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
