If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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