Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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