at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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