Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
