tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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