Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
