New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
