how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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