He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
