I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
