that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
