i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
