oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
