Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
