I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
