is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
