he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
