wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
