If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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