Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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